I’m a recipe user. I can cook, you best believe, but I still feel there is something to be said about not always just “winging it”. I like to be instructed sometimes because I don’t cook for a living people. I’m no Martha Stewart or Pioneer Woman, although God bless Ree, love her. Not the point.
When I put together Ikea furniture, or an oscillating fan from Costco, I follow the directions. It makes my eye twitch watching someone else just throw stuff together and then end up with like three screws and a washer left at the end and no idea why 2 weeks later the handle of the trampoline for our son has fallen off… you get my point.
Since my philosophy in most areas I’m not the expert in is to follow directions, then I suppose it’s time I followed that in another area of my life which is- the bigger plan.
I know I’e been discussing God a lot lately. I would apologize, but it’s not real to how I feel. I feel like I’m waking up after a long hibernation type sleep and realizing that I only feel good when I leave it all up to the big guy and stop fretting so much. I know this doesn’t work for everyone and that not all of you believe. It’s ok, you don’t have to. I can see you next post where I may or may not be still posting about spirituality. Peace and elbow grease!
For the two that are left hanging in there with me (maybe one in a half) here is what occurred to me today: there are so many signs pointing me towards moving on and forgetting about AZ.
Aside from the lack of communication with him, which in itself is the biggest reason, God has been telling me through other people and things. I have gotten some very clear directions before from The Almighty, or a higher power, or however you refer to him. I’ve been standing on a public street, severely depressed, and fretting over something and been spoken to by a stranger about the very thing I’m worried about. That my friends, is God. You could chalk that type of thing up to coincidence but…I know better. For someone random to tell me the exact thing I needed to hear, and they would have no idea that I needed to be told that… It’s not just a one off. It’s happened several times in various ways, and I just know that all it takes is listening sometimes.
Over the years the clearest way I’ve ever gotten an idea of what I was supposed to do was through these lines of communication, or just an overwhelming feeling that I need to flow my heart about stuff. So far it’s been pretty amazing to see what happens when I’ve just trusted and run with whatever “directions” I was given
I’m not big into social media. I have this blog, and the standard-Snap Chat, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter-all on my phone, but really they are time wasters. Something to do while sitting on the toilet if you will. Sorry for the crassness, but let’s just be real here. So, I have all the stuff, but my posting is limited, and I’m mostly just an observer rather than a participator. Except for this blog, I don’t share much online. Lately the posts I’ve been seeing on FB are weird, and about the value of a woman, and the type of man that deserve them, but I’ve let it go. Then I started turning to IG a little more, and there was a lot of interesting things there too indicating a new season of life, moving on, that kind of thing. The books I’ve been reading, and this drive and motivation for something different is coming over me lately. Finally, but not lastly, my friends are now randomly telling me to get over it. I haven’t spoken of him in weeks and yet, here we are.
My feelings aren’t hurt that others see something that I didn’t till now. I firmly believe that all of these things are God’s way of telling me to focus on other things and not think about him anymore. If it’s meant to work out later it either will, or it won’t. Maybe the point of meeting him to begin with was simply to feel love again. Maybe it was to remind me that I’m capable of it.
All signs are pointing one direction, so for me to turn my back and walk the other way is asking to just do things the hard way. It’s inviting hardship into my life. I’d rather not. I have faith I won’t end up alone, and I’m not even worried anymore about that.
I don’t see my feelings going up in smoke simply because I’d like to wall off my heart again, by the way. Life isn’t that easy. If I saw him on the street tomorrow things would still flutter in my stomach and I’d still wanna see him smile, and smell him, touch him and sit next to him. It isn’t going to be like I can just forget him forever. He just shouldn’t have a central place in my thoughts right now.
I might be the only one that feels all the feels. For now the road is under construction, and the signs tell me to take a different route.
So let’s just keep it rollin’.