Favor 

I’ve had an interesting week. 

Monday-Got up late, got to work late, was so tired I couldn’t stand it. Looked a tiny bit disheveled, or as Nadine says “homeless”. Had pizza and apple beer that Nadine brought over. Went to bed. 

Tuesday-Had a meeting at work, had lunch with my girls and then the guy that I can’t seem to shake, can’t get over, can’t get passed… had lunch with us. Yep. Has trouble written all over it. 

Wednesday-had a date with a new guy. (I know, I said I was done “dating”.) I’m not sure how I feel about the guy. Maybe more on that later. 

Thursday-had Chinese with Nadine, and then had a hot bath before bed. Nothing exciting there. 

It was basically a lot of staying up late and drinking. I need to only do this once in a while. 

This guy… the one I helped get a job… he’s trouble for me. I always think I’m over him, or past whatever connection I think I have, and then he shows up again. The kicker is, I really can’t have him. Really though.

I have come to realize this: any guy who mysteriously disappears, or passes up the chance to date me, or doesn’t treat me well and I move on… they’re doing me a favor.

This sounds arrogant and I know it. I’m not typically like that but I’ve come to a more settled place in my mind lately where the truth is pretty obvious. 

I’m too much woman for some men.

I know I can’t make a statement like that and not back it up. So, here we go…

I know what I do and don’t want. I’m very independent. I’m not asking for anyone to fix me, or fill a whole or void in my life. I’m pretty motivated and driven and focused. I know how to get where I want to go, and I’ll do it by myself if I need to. I’m not looking for a new daddy for my kid, or a provider or head of household for myself. My “crazy” is pretty toned down and… I’m nice. Probably overly nice honestly. But there it is. 

Here’s the thing… if a guy can’t “handle” me, he’s doing me a huge favor. I do get attached to people sometimes. I’ve been known to fall for guys that aren’t good for me. It’s happened recently I think. 

I have a very big heart, and I always give people a chance. I’d like to find the right guy. THE RIGHT GUY. Not just any guy. 

I’m like any girl. I get thrown off by pretty things. Shiny stuff catches my eye. Pretty boys are hard to resist. Put a handsome bearded good-smelling man in my path and I do have to refocus myself. It’s harder than you think.

But I need substance. Someone I can trust. Maybe that I’m friends with first. Or not. I just need a connection, chemistry, and… the right guy damn it. 

I can’t take it personally when things don’t work out for whatever reason. In general, I know that I can be too much in a lot of ways. 

Being not enough, or not good enough, isn’t the issue. I’m too much! 

So, thanks for the favor. I will be forever glad that I didn’t settle, or get too caught up. 

Things always work out for the best. 

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