Forget about me

Some of this may come off salty. I don’t mean it to. My sass is coming back, so I almost can’t help it. Almost. 

Last night was fun. The hangover today wasn’t but I made it. The messages I got while out were…hard. 

The ex misses me. He was always going to. 5 years is not the blink of an eye. He wasn’t the one that wanted out. He was just the one that didn’t appreciate what he had. He’s not the first. 

I have a history with men. I’ve always had a big heart, a giving nature, a forgiving spirit, and and an empathetic soul. Pair that with sarcasm, sass, a good sense of humor and the ability to accept anyone for who they are and you’ve got the basics of me. I’ve been told, I’m unforgettable. I guess the proof is in how many ex’s contact me years after we’ve split and I’ve moved on. I currently have two ex’s that claim to still be in love with me and one begging for nudies like once a week. *sigh* Am I supposed to be flattered? 

The problem is this: most of my ex’s didn’t realize what they had while they had it. 

I’m aware this sounds arrogant and I apologize. It’s totally not meant that way. It’s just meant to say that I usually get taken for granted. I have been broken up with for reasons such as I was “too good”, they wanted to have control over the relationship (an ex admitted just that. Recently), they were afraid of marriage, and I made them feel like a bad person because I was too nice. 

I’m aware that these are not real issues with me, and are a result of mostly insecurity and fear of commitment. I get it. It doesn’t sting any less that I was once heartbroken over breakups with these men for some very lame reasons. Nor is it less aggravating that they all came crawling back begging to try it again. I think not sirs. 

My divorce, and the circulation of that info through old friends, has opened the flood gates for ex’s and a couple of guy friends to suddenly profess love to me. Someone said that should make me feel good but honestly it just makes me kinda sad. 

The soon to be ex hubs is no different than any of the rest of them, and while I feel bad for him, he didn’t treat me any better. In some cases he was worse. The things he used to say to me that I just ignored because they were so outrageous that I had no response. I just can’t even begin to tell you. 

I wish I felt good about telling the ex to try to forget about me. It’s not exactly possible anyway, we have a kid together. I just don’t want him to be sad. He may have not treated me very well at times, or taken advantage of my giving nature, or not appreciated what he had, but I also know he may not have known how to be better. 

Yes, I may be giving him more credit than he deserves. Read up if you forgot what I said about myself. Forgiving. Empathetic. Down to my core kind. I can’t help it. I give a lot of people passes that maybe I shouldn’t. I’m always friends with the people I’ve let in, trusted, shared myself with once. I don’t have it in me to not be. I’m friends with just about anyone actually. 

I know now that I’m older and a lot more discerning that I can spot a good guy, a genuinely nice man, a little better than when I was younger. I know that dating now will be different. I’m counting on it. 


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