I had a bad mother moment on one of those days that makes you feel the worst. The night before I’m supposed to be “celebrated” for being a mom my son was in near hysterics.
I might have cracked when for the 5,678,453 my son was covered in poop.
This post is not about that, but it is, because I lost my temper. I’m usually so patient and calm and comforting. Seriously though.
My son is sensitive to tone, volume, body language…he can’t even handle when I get mad when I’m driving.
I don’t know what happened. I knew when I was pregnant that I would soon be responsible for cleaning up someone else’s bodily functions. I accepted it as fact and moved on. Has it grossed me out since he started eating solids? Yes….but it’s the worst to have a child with a sensitive digestive tract and sensory issues. He “digs”. It’s the most disgusting thing EVER, and I get super frustrated. I try not to…..but it’s one thing to clean poop off of your child, and another to constantly wash walls, bedding, carpet, the dog, and numerous other household items that you wish had never even been close to fecal matter.
We’ve bought a ton of one piece outfits and that’s almost fixed it. But really it’s not feasible to always have him in footie Pjs, especially during the summer.
So, yeah. Hysterics. He hates when his momma is unhappy but loses it when she’s unhappy with him.
*can you see me bawling from there? And I’m fresh out of ice cream*
I apologized and got him calmed down before bed. I rocked him, stroked his hair, dried his tears, and prayed for the 5 billionth time that he won’t remember how many times I failed him.
I really do ask God sometimes if he’s made a mistake. If maybe I’m just not strong enough to be this child’s momma.
Don’t get me wrong….I love him more than anything. He is a piece of my soul living outside of my body. He’s my sweet boy. It tears me apart when I let him down. And I have no idea if he will ever understand how hard I try to be the best for him….but it’s so hard. Some days I let things get the best of me.
This momma job is harder than every other job I’ve ever done.
Lord, please help him to forget how I’ve failed him.