My muddled mind

I got fired 12 days ago.

I’ll let that settle in for a minute.

Getting fired seems scndalous, and incites sympathy when you tell people. I like to avoid all of the “are you alright?” business by fudging things a little and saying I got “laid off”. It’s a small white one, and my previous employer IS laying people off. I just wasn’t one of those fortunate, severance collecting individuals. Although…rumor is they may not be able to get unemployment.  Anywho…..

Almost two weeks in to being home and….my stress level is down. My son seems happy that momma is home. I am no longer sleep deprived.  Last but not least….I have less worry about my future. A weight has lifted and I feel pretty good. I have periods of brief anxiety over being able to provide for my baby since I’m not sure I’m getting unemployment yet and I worry we won’t have money to EAT let alone keep up with my car payment. Only time will tell (3-5 weeks according to the unemployment office).

So as I sit here watching too much daytime tv, my thoughts bounce all over the place and I try to stave off boredom and not spend any money unnecessarily. *yawn*

Av is down for his nap, I’ve already applied for jobs today and gone over my resume for the 5 millionth time, and my book has become a bore. I have gone to the mailbox 4 times today looking for a check that won’t come this early,  and I’ve even resorted to browsing Twitter which I find boring as well.

I’ve done a couple of loads of laundry fixed two meals for bubba and I and cried to the Today Show stories of breast cancer and childhood cancer.

I had a terribly sad dream two nights ago that I can’t shake and I am a little downtrodden. I’m ok with not having a job right now, but I want a 2nd baby so bad and the timing just isn’t happening. I just keep praying-for a job, for Avery, for Rob, and for another child.

Well, it’s time to go to the mailbox….one more time.

crazy eyes from my old cubicle

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