Blues

Sometimes living with anxiety and depression is an uphill battle. Sometimes it recedes into the background and the sun shines again, and I feel better in every possible way. I know the mind-body connection is strong and when I’m not in a very good mental space I feel that physically.  Occasionally it works the other direction too, but I don’t find that to be my problem the majority of the time.

I know my stress level is up again. We are right in the thick of our medical appointments for everything with Avery.  He had his biannual appointment with the biochemical specialist yesterday. Today was more blood work and booster shots at the pediatrician’s, and next week he has two lengthy appointments with the guild school in town to assess his developmental delays and possible causes. All of this right after he’s been sick, spent 5 hours in the ER getting fluids and about 10 days getting over the virus he caught.

I had a really good couple of weeks with my anxiety level despite being sick and not seeing my therapist for two weeks. This morning…on my way to work, it jumped up again and I had a teary moment at my desk before I could collect myself enough to bring it back down. This statement makes it seem like it’s an easy thing for me to just shake off the antsy, shakey, panicky feeling I get. This isn’t the case most days.

I’ve taken to crocheting again to calm my mind and keep me focused and occupied with something so I get out of my own head and find a calmness for my spirit again.

I also listen to Tommy Emanuel on Pandora. These are all my little tricks. They didn’t prevent my “moment” that I had today, but they did help.

Despite all that I’ve done lately I still find that I feel a little blue…I little down. I still have wanted to cry about once a day for the last few days. I still just want to curl up in a ball and just sleep. Some would say that’s depression talking but I just noticed it get worse this week. I think it’s hormones and lack of quality sleep. All I know is I want to feel better again and I get jealous of people who appear happy every day.

On a lighter subject, three more weeks until my sister will start watching bubba, and my life gets a lot easier. Yay for that!!

Hope you all had a great week and I have more recipes and pictures to post soon.

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