3:03 am-insomnia and visions of good hair

Yes, it’s early in the morning here. I have relinquished my spot in bed to my son, the sleep tyrant, and have moved out to the couch. Truthfully, I wasn’t doing much sleeping anyway. I chalk my insomnia up to either a shift in hormones causing me hot flashes….or the small amount of chocolate I had before bed.

That’s right!! I cheated on my diet last night. I waited all day, was good till 9pm. Then pms and an extreme craving took over. It was ugly. BUT…100 cals of chocolate will not overturn the whole apple cart that is my weight loss plan right now. I’m going to climb back up into that B tomorrow!

And so, we come to my other topic of discussion-good hair. My Pinterest has blown up lately with pictures of cuts, colors, styles…I clearly need a hair guru. Here in lies my dilemma: I don’t have said guru anymore. I had an AMAZING  hairdresser in the years leading up to my pregnancy, and then I fired him while I was pregnant for being insensitive and causing me additional stress while in my delicate condition. I’m not normally that temperamental,  or rash, and again I blame my roller coaster hormones and stress level at the time. Of course, none of this was discussed with the most amazing hairdresser in my recent past, and by firing him I mean I just stopped “seeing him”. That’s how I roll. Not a big one for confrontation.

It’s been 2 years and I’ve seen 3 different hairdresser’s since and have only merely been satisfied that they listened to me and I still had hair to style afterwards. Now most people would advise me to apologize for my extended absence and just go back to the guru who made me feel like a goddess every time I saw him. I wish it were that easy.

In poor judgement on my part, during a desperate moment, 4 weeks before my wedding, I made the cardinal mistake you should NEVER make…under ANY circumstances! I “saw” someone else in his salon.

*pause for you take it all in*

With that in mind, and the knowledge that he deleted me from his fb (I don’t know when because I don’t pay that much attention to that stuff) I can’t go back to him no matter how much my hair begs.

Here are my other options for the moment until I have a lightbulb turn on or come into some serious money (did I mention the guru always fit me in and only charged an arm instead of an arm a leg and one of my kidneys?)

1.Go back to one of the 3 since him. Well, 2 since one of those people still works in the same salon as the guru. THAT would be in very poor taste.
2.Trust someone new to make me look amazing!
3.Do it myself.

Number 3 is sort of a joke. I have boxed color, but we all know it won’t turn out anywhere near great for me to go it alone.  This option is only good for possibly saving money. 

Number 2 is a viable option because hairdressers are everywhere, and practically grow on trees. The process to find your perfect hair match however is more tedious and painful than finding the perfect swim suit or bra. You get the point.

So here’s me. Up the creek. Still looking for the paddle. Wishing I was less afraid of conflict and more…brave.

Wait a minute….that was the girl who struggles with anxiety in normal social situations.  I went through a bravery challenge in November.  I have to have learned something!!!

That settles it. Begging, pleading, apologizing, and over tipping are likely in my future. My hair, and therefore my self esteem, requires it.

Thank you for putting up with my early morning ramblings.  I now must attend to the tyrant who isn’t satisfied with my spot in bed. Little bugger!


Book eater

In the last couple of months I have gotten into reading again.  I took such a long time off that I now feel like instead of savoring the story I am consuming the books whole.  I am greedy about my books. I covet new books. I plot and buget my book spending. I reward myself with reading. I have gone over the edge and am now planning my next book purchase. I’m so absorbed that I’m currently reading 3 books at once and I am buying a new book…soon! Unless I can stop myself somehow.

To be clear, it’s not that I’m getting high from reading, but it has turned into an addiction of sorts I think. Don’t worry, no intervention needed, I’m just surprised about this!

I’ve always been an avid reader,  but lately it’s like I’m trying to make up for lost time.  Here’s the list of books read by me in the last month:

Beautiful Ruins
The fault in our stars
Looking for Alaska
The odds,
Let it snow
Godforsaken idaho
Every day,

I’m in the middle of reading The Signature of All Things, The Art of Racing in the Rain, and Divergent.

I’ve started taking pictures of book covers so I can remember to get books I think look good, and I have a running list of books I want.

I used to have to take breaks between books. Absorb the story into my mind, let it do what it will.  I felt extremely different after some books were finished, and merely entertained by others.  The books I’ve been gobbling up lately still change me, but in more subtle ways. I take only a few hours to mull over my recent read. I’ve got so much more to read I can’t slow down!

I think my stress is lower lately because of my book reading. I actually feel like my “addiction” is healthy.

In other news, I’m down 4lbs since last week. We’ll see how this week turns out. There is veggie soup in the crock pot today, and last night was boring grilled chicken and steamed veggies. I am making ww cookies tonight though…I’ll let you know how they turn out!


Note from Heaven…

I just need to say I’m having a hard time. The details are long and tedious, and depressing, and I’m not trying to focus on the negative. The basics are that I’m in trouble at work. The worst kind of trouble where I am actively seeking other employment….because I need to be able to bring home some money. You get the picture.

So, it’s Monday, and I struggle in the morning anyway, and my anxiety is up, and….I just wanna crawl into a hole and hide. BUT, I can do this. My life is good. My “gratitude list” is long. I have soooooo much to happy, and thankful for, and I see examples of that every day. Despite all of my positive thoughts, my gratitude list, my hug and kiss from my husband, and vote of confidence from my friends….I wanted to cry on the way here. I am stressed. I am broken. I feel discouraged and down. Right when I think I need to call in sick and go home and paper the town with my resume one of my favorite, most uplifting songs, comes on the radio. I smile, and say a silent “thank you”, and finish my drive to work.

But WAIT! There’s more. My second call of the day is a very funny man, who starts the call off with funny, clean, appropriate jokes. He makes me smile. Then at the end of the call he says “My job was to make you smile today and encourage you, and if I’ve done that even a little then I’ve succeeded. God Loves you, and it was my job to tell you today.”


I had no words. My frame of mind being what it is today, my feeling of failure hanging around me like a fog, and I swear all it took was the words of a stranger to make me feel better. I sometimes get these little “notes” from above. I have always thought of them as God’s way of telling me to keep my chin up, he has good things planned for me. Even if I get fired, and we struggle financially, and my depression threatens to move in on me again…God never blinks.

Which brings me to my last little thing for this blog. My mother gave me a book a few months back that changed my whole perspective on things, gave me a boost, and I have since gifted it to friends I knew would like it and appreciate the thoughts in it. I’m going to add a link at the bottom of this blog for it. I highly recommend it even to people who aren’t struggling with anything at the moment.

Enjoy the rest of the day all. I will be posting more recipes soon. I’m down 5 lbs, and eating better, so forgive me the reduction of butter and sugar. We’ll still find a way to eat cookies, don’t worry. They just may have Flax seed snuck into them. (trust me, you won’t even notice!)


Miss me?! Here’s some yummy soup…

So, yeah, it’s been a while. What’s up? How’s life? How were the holidays?

I have officially welcomed in the new year with a new positive attitude and a constant smile on my face. Things are great, and I’m finding ways to stay positive daily.

Our holidays were busy, chaotic, but fun. I took Av on a road trip to see my brother snd sister, and that was really stressful but necessary.  We had a good time, and bubba got lots of cuddles and love, but it’s hard to strap a busy toddler into the car for 5 hours each way. We only get to see my siblings about twice a year though, and my parents were going over to drop off presents and visit so we decided to ride along with.

The rest of our holidays were very enjoyable and full of smiles,  food, and cheer. I’ll post some pictures. Let me say though.. I’m back on the healthy eating wagon. My cholesterol isn’t great, my bmi isn’t great, and my health in general isn’t great. I worked on the mental portion and now I have to work on the physical. I’m doing WW with the military wives, and the support group has been helping.

In regards to Avery’s MMA, we aren’t doing shots right now, and he can eat anything he wants. Yay!!

There’s the update, and here’s the health conscious recipe that my husband says is the best thing I’ve ever made.

Crockpot ww sausage minestrone soup
(Remember:I’m a non-measurer, so these are estimates)
3/4 cup chopped onion
3 cloves minced garlic
2 tbl olive oil
1 lb italian sausage, as lean as possible
48 oz of low sodium fat free chicken broth
14 oz of petite diced tomatoes
1 small zucchini, diced
3 carrots, diced
2 celery stalks, diced
1 bag of frozen green beans
1 can of cannellini beans
1/2 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp basil
1/2 tsp oregano
1/4 tsp thyme
1 bay leaf
*note- you could add small diatelli pasta to add more texture, but I was going for lower carbs and calories

Heat a skillet with the olive oil in it and saute the onions, garlic and zucchini till lightly brown and fragrant. Cook the sausage, breaking it up till completely cooked and then throw it and the rest of the ingredients into the crockpot and cook on low for 8 hours, or high for 6. That’s it! Delish! You could also top with some parm or cheddar,  but I served it as is.

It was about 10 servings when all said and done and 6 points per serving. Yummy!!!

Promise to post more recipes soon. I baked a LOT over Christmas and New Years.