When we have a day like today it always reminds me of the Winnie the Pooh cartoons I watched as a child. Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day was one of my favorites. The dogs are on edge as a result of the outdoor noises happening because of the wind so it could be a long night.
Speaking of animals and pets…I miss my cat. I had a beautiful tuxedo cat named Dalton. I adopted him 5 years ago from the animal shelter and he went “walk-about” in June and never came back. I watched the shelters, Craig’s list, the paper, and drove around the neighborhood for weeks after he went missing. I wanted to post missing posters but knew if someone called my phone that I didn’t know my social anxiety would flare. Plus…I had mixed feelings about the cat and his attitude towards my family for the last year or so.
He was the BEST cat when I first got him. He even adjusted really well when I got my Boston Terrier, Stella, in ’09. Of course she was a puppy, and he was a young adult cat, and they sort of grew up together, and I’m sure that helped. Once I moved December of ’11, he was a different cat. I was pregnant, it was a new environment…I don’t know what else to say. What really stinks is that he hated my baby, and my husband. The baby I understand and was ok with…the husband was a harder thing to work with.
I think the biggest problem is this…I got the cat to help me after a traumatic event. He helped me heal. He helped me sleep again. In return I saved him from a kill shelter (I didn’t know this at the time). Now I’m struggling with the what it could mean that I let him go, and accept that he’s gone. Maybe that portion of my life, the part where I needed him to help me get back on my feet, was a passing moment, and now he’s gone, and the sexual assault that turned my life inside out is gone and past too.
Bravery #8 is releasing any residual affects from being raped by a close friend and not letting it affect my current life any more. #8 is about using the word “rape” accepting it for what it was, and not letting it have anything to do with the person I am now. It’s also about missing my kitty, but being thankful for him, and what he did for me. I’ll probably always keep an eye out for my little bow legged gentleman, milk mustache kitty, but I think maybe he is out there helping someone who needs him more than I do now.
* I will have to add a picture of Dalton later. All my good pictures are on my work computer.