It’s been over a week since I blogged and there is a very good reason for that. I had a HUGE anxiety flare up last week due to the return of a very toxic Ex from my past. It took me till now to feel completely better again, and brave enough to even type something out about it.
I will admit that I have always had a way of dating the wounded souls of the world. I can count on two fingers the amount of stable well-rounded guys I ever had the opportunity to be with. The last guy before my husband was no exception to the rule, and sadly it ended horribly, more so for him, and I was so glad he was gone. Without dwelling on the past and letting the negativity infect me again the briefest possible explanation is this: he was (is) and alcoholic and that poisoned his whole life. I wasn’t aware of how bad it was until too late, and I really thought I could help. I’ve never been so wrong in my whole life.
It had been over three years without hearing a thing from him, and I have been so thankful for the path that my life took, and where I’m at now. Nothing has been perfect, and I still continue to struggle some days, but in comparison to my life with him, things now are so much more stable and peaceful. He shattered that by contacting me, and trying to rid himself of some insecurities before he marries his girlfriend. I saw red, and I’m not an angry person, but I lost my cool altogether. I never do this and it made me almost physically ill for a few days.
What kept me grounded was…my husband. My love. My smile when I don’t have one, my sanity when I’ve lost it, my soft place to land. Gad gave him to me. He knew what I needed, and he delivered him to my door step and then gave us a miracle baby boy. I’ve never really mentioned my fertility issues, and now seems like the wrong time. More in the future on that maybe.
In the end, I feel better, and more prepared to handle the unexpected. I let last week, and my past derail my train, but I learned where my strength lies, and who matters most. I’ve only been married three short years, and in that time we’ve had ups and downs, but it’s the constant love and concern I always get from him that reminds me that I’m exactly where I should be in life.
**I did LOTS of cooking this weekend…I’ll post recipes tomorrow.**