Confession: I have gained a little weight recently. When I say a little, I mean like 20lbs.
Even after having the stomach flu I’m about 7lbs heavier than I’ve ever been before. It’s sad really, because I lost 20 while pregnant, or shortly after. I had some to lose so my OBGYN never fretted me about it. I’m not sure what happened. It crept back on slowly and quietly. I missed the shift entirely till one day I realized my “chubby days” jeans didn’t even fit. I had a good cry in the closet over it, eyeballed my Bella band from my early pregnant days, and then put on sweats and with my head down took the dog for a walk.
Here’s the thing- I’m torn between finding acceptance for my new shape somewhere in my mind, and fighting it tooth and nail. It all comes down to energy and my mental state. And fear. Can’t forget the emotion I struggle with the most.
I know I could do with a good dose of self love and acceptance. Somewhere my therapist is beaming at me for that one. I know I need to love who I am no matter what shape I’m in mentally or physically. There’s a small voice inside of me though that says to accept this larger, uncomfortable, cumbersome, unhealthy body is giving up on living my best life possible. To continue to live in an unhealthy way will come back on me, and it’s selfish not to dig deep, face my fears, and live better. My son and husband deserve a healthy happy momma and life partner. So…*gulp* I gotta bite the bullet and do what I hate–>workout. No amount of vitamins and drinking water is going to make my heart healthier and decrease my risk of type 2 diabetes.
As a way of treating myself with some kindness I am going to buy at least one pair of jeans that fit RIGHT NOW. I gotta find a way to do this and still have some self esteem in the meantime. I have to be nice to me. I finally realized it all comes down to that.
More recipes to come! I’ve been cooking healthier lately, and I’ll post soon the things I’ve been making.
Have a great weekend all!