Office germs fuel my anxiety

The low energy continues this week, and I had a rough customer before HR sent out the announcement that changed my whole day. I work in insurance and I won’t bore you with the details, but I speak to people on the phone all day long and advise about their coverage. I had just taken a call from a father whose daughter had passed, at the untimely age of 52, and had kids (16, and 19) and so I was taking a moment to have a brief cry. This particular scenario is one of my biggest fears, leaving my children without a mom too soon and it happened…

*PING*

I look at the incoming email and the air was sucked out of the room in that moment. Someone that was in our office yesterday was diagnosed today with Meningitis. Crap.

Before I had issues with anxiety I would have reacted to this particular news differently, but since a lot of my anxiety is focused around my child, his health, and my health and ability to care for him, then I’m sure it makes sense why I immediately had to start my “calming techniques” to prevent a full on panic attack. I haven’t had a full, heart racing, room spinning, chest tightening attack in a while and I’m trying to move past this phase of my life. I wasn’t always an anxious person and I firmly believe that part of my recent problem has been due to some severe vitamin deficiencies and chemical imbalance in my body since I gave birth to my baby.

Back to the germs now almost visible to me on every surface in my work space. I pull out the Clorox wipes while calling my pediatrician. Funny that I don’t think to call my family doctor first since it’s most likely I would get something before passing it on, but there it is. In time of crisis like most moms I think of my child first. So the pediatrician tells me what to watch for, since bubba can’t tell me if he starts to feel awful and advises me to call our specialists in Seattle that handle baby boy’s…case? I’m not sure what they consider it, but I just look at them as extra doctors for our sweet little man. At any rate, while practicing meditative breathing, cleaning every flat surface within my reach and sitting on hold I remember what it was that got me through the worst part of our journey to get a definite diagnosis for our baby. I finally had to come to the place where I remember that God gave me the gift of my son, for however brief that time is, and that my job is to care for him the best way I know how, and the rest is up to him. My baby rests firmly in the palm of God, and if he isn’t meant to live past the age of 5 (please lord give me more time than that) then that was the plan for him. I don’t often go into my faith or religion with most people because it’s not who I am, but I never forget the things that I’ve seen him do in my own life, so I can’t deny his existence. Just a personal belief and I’m not really outspoken about it, but at times that I don’t know where else to look, I remember who has always watched over me. Always.

All of bubba’s doctors said if there was any way for me to prevent exposure that I should do so, and my employer was kind enough to send those of us with serious health concerns home, and there will be a professional service that comes tonight to “deep clean” the office. It will be work as normal for me tomorrow, but I got extra time with my family today, and for that I’m thankful. My anxiety for the moment has subsided, and I have a clam space back in my mind.

Tonight’s dinner was a lazy one since I was scrubbing all surfaces in my house as well. My son had buttered noodles, corn, and some pears. I fixed my husband and I Texas Toast and spaghetti. The sauce was out of a jar people, I’m off my game right now. I am proud to say I made another pie to use up the remaining peaches before they went bad, and it’s a no-bake cookie kind of day. The recipe is simple and one that most people have in their recipe boxes, but I get so many compliments on mine, and comments that people can’t replicate them even when I tell them how I deviate from the recipe. I use Ghirardelli’s sweet ground chocolate and a mixture between old fashioned oats and quick-cooking oats. The different oats gives the cookies a unique texture. Here’s the recipe:

2 cups sugar
1/2 cup cocoa
1 stick butter
1/2 cup milk
1 tsp. vanilla
3 cups quick-cooking oatmeal
1/2 cup peanut butter

Combine sugar, cocoa, butter and milk in a saucepan. On medium heat, bring to a boil for one full minute.
Remove from heat. Stir in peanut butter (optional), vanilla and oatmeal.

Drop by spoonful onto wax paper. Let cool for at least 30 minutes.

I use more or less oats depending on the consistency and I am impatient so I put them in the fridge to cool, and I keep them there. Enjoy!

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